IELTS writing task 2

Some people say that it’s possible to tell a lot from a person’s culture and character from their choice of clothes. Do you agree or disagree? Band 7.5 answer

clothes-essay

There is no doubt that a person’s outfit can bring some first impressions about their personality and background. However, while some people argue that they can predict people’s character based on their dressing, I strongly disagree with this statement. In this essay, I will support my point of view with examples.

To begin with, some clothes do might bring a sense of embracement and belonging of certain tribes and cultures. This is because people tend to choose their style based on several personal or external interests. For instance: their profession, music preferences, fashion trends, religious beliefs, and lifestyle. Therefore, we may see people dressed up in white and suppose they work with healthcare services, for example, predicting their background.

However, this tendency of thinking that people can be put up in labeled boxes can lead to prejudice and discrimination. One should not have its character judged by how they dress. To illustrate this matter, it is common to see individuals being stopped by the police because they were not dressed appropriately to be walking in certain surroundings. As a result, some people can face injustices by what they are wearing, although it does not mean they lack character.

In conclusion, although nowadays the look is relevant in the society, I believe that people should not be defined by their outfit. There are several individuals who dress up well and are not a good person. Whereas, there are people who do not have the best closet and still are better human beings.

Band 7.5 answer

Coherence 6
Lexical  8
Task Achievement 8
Grammar 7

Overall, this essay written by student scored a 7.5. She did a good job in answering the question, however, she needs to address few mistakes that were marked above in the text and are describe below:

Mistake 1

The person needs to take care with dangling modifiers such as in the phrase to begin with, some clothes do might…
A dangling modifier is a word or phrase that is not properly stated in the sentence….
For example: Clothes do not take action by themselves.

Mistake 2 

The person needs to work on collocations such as belong to not belong of. Grammar mistakes like this reduce your score not only in grammar but also in coherence as well.

Mistake 3 

Avoid repeating the same word more than 3 times throughout the essay such as people. You can use synonyms like citizens, individuals, locals and so on. This will help to improve your score for vocabulary and coherence.

Mistake 4

Should have used might instead of can choice. Here the person made the wrong choice of words.

Mistake 5

One should not have its character judged by how they dress. Incorrect
One should not have its character judged by how one dress. Correct

Overused Word 1

Walking in certain surroundings.  Overused
walking in specific surroundings. Better choice of word

Wordy 

Some people can face injustices by what they are wearing. Change it for what they are as this will make the sentence more concise.

Mistake 6

Although nowadays the look is relevant in the society. Here there should be no article

Mistake 7

There are several individuals who dress up well and are not a good person. Incorrect
There are several individuals who dress up well and are not good people. Correct 
Here the student should have used people instead of person to agree in gender and number with the word individuals.

Mistake 8

Whereas, there are people who do not have the best closet and still are better human beings.
Here there was no need for adding this comma. I suggest reviewing the comma rules in this article.

Final Considerations

This student should focus on improving her grasp of articles, collocations, prepositions and subject verb grammar. That alone will guarantee her a higher score in the future.

Attention 

If you aim to score band 7 or higher on IELTS is important to keep your essay as error free as possible and make sure you have the right balance in terms of grammar and vocabulary. In addition, make sure to always follow the question and instructions.
Remember, the IELTS writing topics are self-explanatory. The reason why many Brazilian and Latin American students score low is because they tend to ignore what the question is asking them to do.
 

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